The manager walks towards home plate and hands over a simple scorecard to the umpire, but it’s more than a few names scribbled on a card. It’s an ordered list, a top to bottom 1-9 in a highly scientific sequence so a manager can maximize his team’s production and score the most runs.
Or it’s whatever and wait for the three run home run.
Some managers consider probability maxims, relationship dynamics of parts to wholes and some don’t, but most follow a predictable pattern.
The lead off batter is fast.
The number 2 has eye hand coordination, handles the bat well for bunts, hit and runs.
The number 3 is god’s gift to baseball.
The 4 is the clean up hitter and has power.
And so on all the way to number 9 who is sort of a cheap version of the lead off hitter.
I’m going to do double duty as manager and dj and choose a song corresponding with each place in the batting order including the DH and a few others. We start at the top.
I want my lead off hitter to get on base. I don’t care about speed. I don’t care if he’s fatter than Walter Young.
I want my lead off batter to have an edge, to chew aluminum cans like Lenny Dykstra or wear subtle CIA glasses like Brian Downing with his short sleeves pumped over his shoulder, taunting with an open stance.
I want him to step out of the box, grab some dirt, look up at the moon, take a few more practice swings, anything to mess with the pitcher’s rhythm.
I want him to get on base by any means necessary and right from the get go because it often takes pitchers an inning or 2 to settle into their groove.
I want Ultramagnetic mc’s-the saga of dandy, the devil and day; black baseball.