brewers baseball and things

coffee filters and beer as wedding rings

7 Comments

Yesterday was the 12 year anniversary of MLB video streaming. The first ever game free of charge on mlb.com; Yankees hosting the Rangers. El Duque on the mound, 2002. I clicked anywhere on the time line and landed on A-Rod followed by Rafael Palmero. I was more interested by El Duque; Orlando Hernandez.

What a contortion with that high leg kick and body tuck; skinny like an ostrich, occasional euphus pitch. I wonder how he got that nickname. What the hell is an El Duque? A Duke? A duck? One of the announcers-John Sterling called him a jazz artist I guess because he was unpredictable. The other announcer-Charlie Steiner seemed to disagree; called him a bus driver instead, but both agreed El Duque was always in control.

Baseball announcers suffer lots of on air dead space. Reminds me of the marriage I never enjoyed, but what better day than today-this 12 year anniversary of married to the TV to dream about my imaginary wonderful wife.

The imaginary day starts regular, so very regular. We decide it that way; me and my honey bunny of a wife; crawling out to the back patio. It’s my turn to make the coffee so I do. We spot an older lady with a head covering and long free flowing dress-Ukranian accordion colors. She appears to be studying a grocery store receipt.

A man across the street wears dreadlocks. He’s washing his car. My wife and I talk about breakfast cereals. The Muslim looking women is not contemplating free will. The Rasta looking man is not envisioning ganja growing during droughts. And we’re not romantic. Just grocery store receipts, car washes and breakfast cereal conversation..Regular, so very regular.

Our cereal naming game sucks all the magic and miracle out of the air and turns the world into nuts and bolts; just the way we like it. We’re determined to slip through our lives like ghosts and be outta here before ever waking up and worrying about stupid things.

Penny says Sugar Smacks. Penny is my wife. I say Raisin Bran. And so it begins. It could be ancient philosophers, lines from a poem or cereal types. All just names and trivia and killing time. She knows poetry lines. I don’t. All I can muster up is a few rock and roll lyrics. And philosophers? Forget it. Earl Weaver and Doug Moe; that’s it for me.

Corn Flakes, Golden Grahams, Crispix, Wheaties. But then I say Graham Crackos and Penny says YES like I just touched her in a never before spot.

“The cereal that looked like a traffic light without the lights, ” Penny sort of asks.

“You’re damn right,” I insist.

I should have known the end was near. We walked that morning to the public swimming pool. It was filled with cold water, but was still and silent like a funeral home. The pool was closed.

Stupid rules. Stupid Augustus Caesar Roman rules. Stupid dates on a calendar. It was humid and hot and yet the pool was closed. Made no damn sense. 

Penny didn’t care; just like she wouldn’t care when the water got sucked down the drains in a few days; replaced by dry leaves crunching around the chipped cement. She knew the skateboard trespassers would transform the emptiness into a half pipe acrobatic.

I forget who left who, but we were finished as a couple. Timing is everything and we both knew it was time. We didn’t bother sending postcards or birthday well wishes and all that, but we wished each other well just the same. Imaginary marriage. Imaginary divorce.

Meanwhile back in reality, the Brewers are a 500 team and have been since the middle of May and that’s ok. It’s been a very regular season since May, but the division is very regular so who knows, maybe the Brewers will squeak into the playoffs. It doesn’t really matter. Until death do us part still in effect, always in effect.

Yovani Gallardo is 4 punch outs away from becoming the all time Brewers leader in strikeouts; ahead of Ben Sheets and Teddy Higuera. Last night he didn’t strike out anyone,but didn’t give up a run either in 6 innings. Blown save by K-Rod. Extra innings won by Padres in the tenth.

Final Score; Padres 3, Brewers 2.

The Brewers are 73-60

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Author: Steve Myers

I grew up in Milwaukee and have been a Milwaukee Brewers baseball fan for as long as I can remember.

7 thoughts on “coffee filters and beer as wedding rings

  1. I enjoyed that, Steve, but not as much as Penny would have enjoyed you touching that spot that you never touched before when you said “Graham Crackos”.

    Let me ask you a question. How do you get the video on the computer? And how do you get the audio on the computer? How much does it cost? I can’t afford cable TV; I have more important things to do with my money, such as taking seemingly endless 200 mile trips to see visit my sister and her family upstate. So is it much cheaper than cable TV?

    The last time I listened to streaming audio on radio was back in the late ’90s, when it was free. It was a real treat to hear Ernie Harwell broadcasting Tiger games for the first time; he was pure class. Also, hearing a guy named Bill King(?) and Lonnie someone broadcasting Oakland A’s games. They were terrific. Gary, if you’re reading this, please help me with the names of the A’s broadcasters.

    As for John Sterling, who you mention, I have no good words to say for him, so I won’t. I’ll just say he’s arrogant and leave it at that. He’s one of the worst announcers in the history of sports broadcasting, down there even with the ultra-boring Lorne Brown (who did the Mets games along with Ralph Kiner on WOR-TV for one tedious season— 1982, before being fired) and the dreadful monotonous Joe Buck, who is living proof that nepotism should be a punishable crime.

    Glen

    • Traveling to see your sister is a life; a good life I wish I had, but I have no car and no sister, but every once in a while I have cereal and I’m currently spoiled because I have an internet connection and because I have this internet connection, I can watch games for free on you tube or as I clearly explained in this post…..yesterday, mlb.com was offering the first ever video streamed game free of charge.

      All you need is the internet or if you don’t have the internet, all you need is 2 legs and a library card…walk to the library and sign up for the internet and if anyone gives you shit for taking too much time, pretend to be deaf or blind. Mlb.com is offering the remainder of the regular season for 25 bucks, That means every game of every team for 25 bucks…..audio or video feed. Crazy incredible deal. And if you don’t like the announcers, you can turn the volume down and broadcast the game yourself.

  2. I don’t have a car, either. I take a bus to get to my sister’s. If I had a car, the 200 miles would not be a pain in the ass at all. I once drove 300 miles from Martinsburg, West Virginia all the way to South Hempstead, New York (to go to Jack In The Box for some soggy tacos before I got home; I was hungry) without even stopping to take a whiz. And I drove home slowly, too, too, because I had hardly any money for gas (and it was a gas guzzler.) I’m one of those guys who likes to drive non-stop, even when nature is urgently calling me or I’m hungry. In those days (1984) I drove a boat, specifically a 1972 Ford LTD Brougham. I loved that car. It was ugly, it was loud, but it was my favorite car of all time. My car looked like this, except that my car was a more vommity shade of faded, metallic green. With a roaring V-8 engine, it could pass ANYTHING on the road. And it cost me a hundred bucks.

    By the way, when I got to South Hempstead, which is a fairly lousy area, I stopped off at Jack In The Box, bought about seven of their dog food filled soggy tacos (to this day, my favorite tacos; to me, that’s what tacos are supposed to taste like; soggy and filled with a dog food-like meat. Hey, I didn’t grow up in South Texas!)

    Anyway, a guy who was either drunk or on drugs pulled a knife on me in there. At this point, after over 300 miles, I STILL hadn’t taken a whiz, and you’d think that I would’ve taken one right then in there in my jeans, but it didn’t happen. After the manager grabbed him and called the police, I asked where the Men’s room was, and I FINALLY took a whiz. I used to be good at that kind of thing.

    After eating my tacos, I drove home to Baldwin, which was just south of South Hempstead,.

    Glen

    • I think Jack in the Box authorities call that the fight or flight response. Some people pee in their pants when a knife is removed inside Jack in the Box and others can’t pee at all but I don’t know which is which.

  3. Actually, the color of that car that’s pictured was the SAME shade of faded metallic green, with corrosion all over it. Only the plates were different; I had New York plates, the plates in the picture are Texas.

    Glen

  4. Any post that mentions Sugar Smacks and Doug Moe is alright by me. Tough loss.

    Glen, the A’s announcers are Glen Kuiper and Ray Fosse. Shooty Babbitt sometimes gets in there for a more wholesome “ghetto” approach and even more rare is Scott Hatteberg for the young, ex player approach. I enjoy their announcers but I can’t tell if it’s because I’m a homer or what. I can’t handle the Red Sox or Yankees announcers…the accent kills me. Sorry if that offends, I know you’re an East Coaster. 🙂

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