brewers baseball and things

enlightnment is such a rip off


Leon Trotsky was apparently a Cleveland Indians fan. They found a souvenir cap in his belongings somewhere in Mexico. I tried to read this account of trotsky the baseball fiend  but I ran out of coffee. Writers tend to go on and on with big words and complicating the simple. Foot and mouth disease I guess.

But if some idiot offered me 20 bucks to publish some of my writing crap. I wouldn’t blink. I’d take the money and go to the YMCA and  take a swim. It’s free in Montreal. That would leave me with 20 bucks. Not a bad day. Buy a few beers. walk around some more and then write some more crap and watch the Brewers game.

Why do the Cubs play the Brewers at night? at Wrigley no less and  on a day off from work. Pisses me off. It doesn’t get much better than watching baseball on weekday afternoons. It’s like a kid’s first revolution; that staying up all night while everyone is sleeping or working. What’s the difference.

Brewers made two errors in the first inning and the Cubs scored four runs last night. Cripes and crud and sewers and shit and disease and poison. How about that. The Brewers right smack in the middle of a seven game losing streak and they come out shining with two errors.

Final score; Cubs 7, Brewers 1. But Yovani Gallardo tied the franchise record for all time strikeouts

The Brewers are 73-65 and 2 games behind the Red Turds for first place and only a game and half above the Braves for the second wild card. And I must be a shitty fan because I don’t care. I’m having fun with this melt down.

September 1st-communist time when  25 man exclusive rosters expand to a 40 man pot luck bring your own communist Trotsky roster.

I like communism way more than meditation, but maybe pigeons meditate. I see them huddled under the library door awning. They’re so still and quiet that I barely notice them but when I do I say out loud, “oh, those are birds. I didn’t see them.”

It’s like they’re camouflaged not an easy thing for a pigeon to do. Gotta be the most obnoxious or courageous of birds with those day glow or hologram colored necks and head strutting when they walk. Some peole call them flying rats, but they’re not afraid, not of humans anyway. Did you ever watch a pigeon’s shadow? Looks exactly like a bottle of wine. And if you try and catch one? They have amazing reflexes.

They eat everything and don’t discriminate. I seen a gang of em picking through frat boys vomit. And yet, here are the same flying things playing dead, looking like mummies, meditating mummies and beside a library too. I didn’t see any owl there; just pigeons.

I would never want too deep of a massage or too much meditation or yoga. I would never want to be too enlightened. I need problems and noise to make my world spin. That’s why a synagogue on Friday night or Saturday is great. So many fat people and  so many skinny people and everyone loud and hungry. It’s all so ugly and imperfect. No wonder we pray so much or pretend to pray. I go for the food and conversation.

I get enough yoga and meditation when I sleep…or just a few minutes of it. Apparently, I make a lot of nosie when I sleep and move all over the place. Friends don’t let me in the same room when I sleep over. I talk in fake foreign accents. That’s what they tell me. No sleep walk, but lots of sleep talk.

Russian talk I do real well and Chinese too they say. And ya know how dreams sometimes slip out of the unconscious and into the conscious? Well, it happened a few years ago. I was working for a start up tech company and the boss had me and this guy at work make videos. I think he was gonna use everyday spontaneous conversation type stuff as online ads for his encryption software, but he never did.

Well, my fake Russian accent came out. Probably because my mom’s side of the family is Ukrainian Jew and my aunt used to leave phone messages saying. “You’re from Milwaukee and that’s all you need to know.” Slam. Dial tone. That stuck with me. She was a pistol and a half.

I’m the white guy in this video. Vuyo is the black guy. we became freinds. Our religious Jewish boss is the camera man. You can hear him laughing in the background, laughing because I’ve just explained that the Russian accent maybe sounds angry, but all they’re saying is I need a toothbrush.


Author: Steve Myers

I grew up in Milwaukee and have been a Milwaukee Brewers baseball fan for as long as I can remember.

14 thoughts on “enlightnment is such a rip off

  1. I liked the video. How did someone happen to be taking a video at that moment? Anyway, you’ve got a nice, unaffected way of speaking, making your point quietly without talking loudly. I wish I had that quality. I’ve been told I talk too loud and that’s coming from New Yawkas, who tend to talk loudly in the first place. You can tell that the guy you were talking with genuinely appreciates your humor.

    And that’s true about Russians. Especially Russian women. We’ve got a lot of Russian Jews in our part of Brooklyn, which is the southern part. You are dead accurate. They seem to be making a big fuss out of everything, even the most mundane things, like, as you said, “I need a toothbrush.” A lot of them are also nasty, arrogant, selfish, and pushy, but I don’t want to get into that. (I’m Jewish, so I guess I can put down my own kind. Anyway, Russian Jews are a WHOLE ‘nother story. I don’t know if they were like that when they were still back in USSR (hey, that’s a BEATLES SONG!!!!!!), but they are here in New Yawk. Maybe it’s the combination of the Russian and the New Yawk City “culture”. EVERYONE is fairly pushy, arrogant, and selfish here in New Yawk. Add to the mix that Russians who grew up behind the Iron Curtain are insecure as hell, as well.

    But, yeah, you really nailed the Russian New Yawka in that video. I don’t know if Russian Milwaukeans are the same as that, though, or Russian Montrealians. I doubt it, though. Hey, but if YOU had to go through what THEY had to go through in the Soviet Union, YOU’D be insecure, too.

    Do you have a typical Milwaukean accent? I like the accent. It’s not nasal like people up in Syracuse, New York, which I have experience with. Not that people from Syracuse are bad people, or anything. Far from it.

    I’ll bet that John Bellucci, who was from Chicago, would have done a GREAT Milwaukean impression. It’s kind of similar to the Chicago accent anyway, isn’t it?

    (The above getting even with you for putting my photo on your blog! If I were prone to put “smileys”, I would put one here to show that there are no hard feelings about you putting my pitcher on your blog. ACTUALLY, I’m quite flattered!)

    PS……… I LOVE the way you say “Plattttttoon.” Is that typical Milwaukean?


    • Why would you be upset about me putting your picture on my blog? You already have pictures of you on your blog and anyway, you revealed that you were in one of my favorite books so I was simply being the jelly to your peanut butter. Role playing my friend. And you inspired me to put pictures of my ugly sickly Auschwitz body on my blog and make me feel vain and proud about it.

      And now you self promote me even more by posting my world famous interview with Gary Roenicke. This is no internet interview. This is a live telephone conversation interview and it’s been up on you tube for a couple of years and gotten 97 views and 1 like or maybe that 1 like is mine? And thank you for noticing when Roenicke praised me for understanding the Platoon.

      By the way, that cheesy guitar music is me playing…It’s some of my only non John Denver sounding tunes and the babies crying and baseball sounds in the background are from little league games I attended.

      Over all, I’m a bit embarrassed by the interview because I was so nervous and maybe too serious, but I should probably be more embarrassed by my guitar playing. Anyway, God bless you 10,000 times Glen. One of these day we should sit at an old diner somewhere and eat some soup. You pay for the soup. I’ll pay for the fresca or whatever you like to drink. I like soda with soup…gets the burps going.

      Speaking of spontaneous as the only way to hang out……our jewish religious boss as I sort of mentioned in the post wanted to use regular conversations as some sort of commercial for his encryption software. He never did, but that was the idea so he always had a smart phone camera going and well. that’s just how I talk.

      I figure that after all the shit Russian women have endured and you sort of abstractly hinted at this….. and that includes terrible roads. Apparently, Russia has no roads, horrible place to drive. After all the corrupted communism and crazy shit before that,,,,women need an orgasm and when they get it, they get way into it and can’t control themselves and why should they so they bite and don’t forget transylvania is not too far ….Drakensburg mountains I think..Count Dracula.

      My dad is from Boston and mom from is from pittsburgh so i’m the first generation from milwaukee. That gives me sort of a Milwaukee accent but no where near as deep and thick and mnyellllllo instead of hello as some of my friends who are three generation deep. You probably seen Fargo and that’s an exaggeration but not that far off…

      • I’m not upset about you putting my picture on your blog. I was only kidding with you. I was just a little embarrassed at first, but I got over it. You did not do anything that was wrong, Steve. In fact, I’m flattered by it.


        • It was truly a special moment when you revealed your presence.The IN Your FAce Basketball Book; astounding and mesmerizing. Rocked my world. Maybe I sound like debbie Boone song, but it’s true. I didn’t even bother thinking if it would bother you if I put up the picture. I was too excited that I actually knew someone in that book. I’m glad you feel flattered. You should. You’re kind of a hero to me now.

    • We had to whisper because the women we were talking about was right upstairs. There’s 2 videos to this sequence. In the second one which is actually the first in terms of chronology, you see or hear the women we had to whisper about. She’s the witch and she arrives totally spontaneously. I’ll post the video here. By the way, do you see the head popping up and over the cubicle in the background. That’s our Russian computer programmer. He had a sense of humor about the whole thing but he never hesitated to cal me stupid American who know nutttting.

  2. Oddly enough, Leon Wagner thought Trotsky’s beard was pretty cool.

    • Hee hee! The two Leons! (Leon Wagner, “Daddy Wags” of the California Angels.)

      Don’t forget about EDDIE Leon, though.


    • I wonder if Leon was related to Honus. My grandpa immigrated from Ukraine to Pittsburgh and swears he was the bat boy for the Pirates and held Wagner’s bat. Wagner had huge hands. Grandpa verified that. But I also heard that Moises Alou used to piss on his hands and then rub the urine on his bat. I heard him interviewed as an Expo. I think I have the cassette here somewhere. He gets real pissed when you bring up the urine. Geeze Louise. I wonder what he’d do if we asked him about masturbation.

      Anyway, I looked up this Leon Wagner guy. Interesting. I had never heard of him. And some nice divine providence because yesterday I learned abut a book out about Boots Poffenberger. I had never heard of Boots either. I guess alot of basbeall fans who double as writers like these obscure baseball players with personalities and/or drinking habits.

      Here’s the link to the book…..

  3. GREAT post, Steve. Boy…where to begin. Well, it’s kind of romantic to think that perhaps the rules to lapka (baseball) were given up by a horny cook in the 1840’s….” (baseball) was stolen by a Marine guard at the U.S. embassy in Moscow who scurrilously wheedled crucial information out of an unwary Russian cook during an evening of illicit and probably drug induced love making.” The thoughts that go through my head after reading this are hilarious. I can just imagine the guy pumping away when all of the sudden he asks about the 6-4-3 double play.
    Sorry about the night game. I love day games and I get a doozy today with Lester going against King Felix. Once again…Fuck the Cardinals. Ad infinitum.
    I feel like a crappy fan too. When we were winning there was nothing to talk about. The slump pissed me off at first, but now I’m kind of just sitting back and enjoying the drama.
    I live in a largely asian populated area and my girlfriend and I get a kick out of the Chinese language. They always sound pissed off as well….and it freaks the hell out of my dog on our morning walks. I think he sees/hears it as an aggressive threat.
    Once again, great post. I enjoyed it and thoroughly digested it.

    • Gary, your dog sounds very smart. What kind of dog is it? What’s it’s name? Male or female? Christ. It must sound like I want a date with your dog. It’s not that. I just like being on a first name basis with animals when they enter into the discussion.

      I agree with your dog about Chinese language being aggressive and I agree with you and your girlfriend. They do sound pissed off. I eat lunch in Chinatown Montreal about once a month. It’s a Vietnamese place..cheaper and cleaner, but the atmosphere is Chinese outside.. Pretty big china town too. The language is very sing song up and down, seems to hit the tops and bottoms of scales. I like the sound of it. And that knee how is familiar to us englishers. There’s nothing familar sounding in Russain except when they slip in a chicago or new york into a sentence.,

      So ya dug that Trotsky story? Ain’t that something? It’s good to hear Cardinals being bashed. If we keep up the banter, we can hopefully send those turds into a nose dive.

    • Your dog is a smart dog, allright, Gary. He thinks maybe some of those Chinese people might own a Chinese restaurant. Have you ever seen a stray dog walk into the back entrance of a Chinese restaurant? Have you ever noticed that after they walk into the back entrance of the Chinese restaurant, they’re never ever seen again?

      There’s a reason for that, and I’m not going to get into it here.


  4. Almost forgot…great interview with Gary Roenicke. If any more of these exist on youtube I would love to hear them.

    • i’m honored that you liked it. Really honored because I know you’ve done so many interviews yourself. The only other baseball one is about Israeli baseball. I interviewed some New York guy who moved to Israel and worked for some Israeli baseball league. It’s very informative, but maybe kind of boring unless you’re into Israel.

      Anyway, There are also my crappy, but original acoustic guitar songs and horrible voice. I’ll post those in the next coupe of days and hopefully someone with some real musical talent can turn them into punk songs or country songs…any kind of songs..My lyrics aren’t bad, but my music is well..let’s just say in high school, the music teacher handed me a triangle and gave me one of those looks as if to say…that’s about as far as you’re going in my music class.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s