brewers baseball and things

everyday tourists


Apples are huge this time of year northeast north america. It’s more than fashionable. It’s nature’s way. Those red bulbs are bursting on the branches and ready to be picked. I remember looking for apples on the periodic table. I never found an Ap with a number, but i didn’t feel stupid either.

It was like asking for a new donut at Dunkin Donuts. We used to go there after picking apples on a farm north of Milwaukee. It was like asking for new colors in the Crayola Box. I wonder if any kids or adults held makeshift vigils when Pluto got kicked out of the solar system?

We picked apples by the bushel back in the 1970’s; cheap as can be, so cheap that we threw some out the back windows of rather large station wagons. Us kids had a separate compartment back there with a leather cushioned booths.The parents never knew. We watched em bump and roll out that back window and down the hill as the car sped away. Absolute thrill, but that thrill is gone.

There’s apple picking real close to Montreal, but real expensive and a real mind fuck with crossing guards wearing yellow x reflector vests waving octopus arms directing traffic and telling us where to park and what you can and can’t pick. Vampires with badges; sucking the life out of everything.I’m not interested. I’d rather visit my apple dealer at the local market; 15 Macintosh for 3 dollars.

And anyway, I found an apple tree in Montreal or I think it’s an apple tree. I never actually picked the apples, but we took fake pictures and added them to our collection; at mini waterfalls, cliff edges. With the right camera angle we’ve been to Niagara Falls and the Grand Canyon. Bathtub and a cheap snorkel might be our next stunt. Madagascar?

fearThe building screws up these photos, but it was still a triumph and by that I mean, we kept happygoing.

We went to the Imax 3D Cinema lobby. They have good bathrooms there and it’s beside the St. Lawrence river which is much more interesting than the 20 dollar movie and a lot less expensive anyway. It’s free. A great place to watch people, sit on a park bench, breath air and try not to get shit on by seaguls.

There’s this painting beside the line to get into the movie. It’s free standing and has holes where heads are supposed to be. All kinds of humans put their heads there. It’s a tourist attraction for kids, adults, boys, girls; sexy people, ugly people, well dressed people, bums, drunks, business men and whoever pokes their head in those holes loses their sexual identity. Hard to tell who is a boy and who is a girl; a man or a woman.

I didn’t bother saying anything to anyone because that kind of information can really excite a fella; make him mad and combative. Brewers had an off day. 12 games to go. Time for a new ritual.


Author: Steve Myers

I grew up in Milwaukee and have been a Milwaukee Brewers baseball fan for as long as I can remember.

17 thoughts on “everyday tourists

  1. I swear, Steve, on the photo on the left, you look EXACTLY like my old friend John Scalzo (who I haven’t seen in years), the guy who said, while we were shooting baskets in the college gym and I took off my shirt because I was getting all sweaty, “Hey, Slayta! You’re a real hairy guy, ya know dat?”

    I haven’t seen him in years. You wouldn’t actually be John Scalzo, would you, and you’re using “Steven Myers” as an alias? By the way, in case you were wondering about this guy Scalzo (he DID say sort of weird things), I hear he’s married with two kids and living somewhere around here.


    • I tend to have one of those faces people recognize as someone they knew or lots of people have said that to me anyway; a younger brother or an old friend from high school, things like that. It goes well with my name..Steven Myers and my life; very normal and common. Now if you’ll excuse me; I think I’ll go eat some yogurt. I hate it when the expiration date passes and there’s still a few spoonfulls in there..

    • but i do like that name; John Scalzo. I like any name with two syllables. I guess we always want what someone else has. I never could get a second syllable out of my last name Myers. But in grade school, I was the inspiration for a funny little jingle or it was funny at the time anyway, “Myers takes off his tires with pliers.

      • come to think of it or hear of it after sounding out my last name, maybe it is two syllables. My……ers. But Y is not a syllable is it? If I remember right from eighth grade english Mr. Hanel. He taught us the vowels to make syllable were AEIOU. I guess it depends how you pronounce the name. If you slow it down and say my….ers, then it can be 2 syllables, but if you’re in a hurry, then it sounds like one.

  2. Well, you just look like Scalzo in THAT photo. I swear, EXACTLY like Scalzo. But not in the other photos you’ve posted of yourself.


    • I probably do better voice over impersonations than physical ones, but Scalzo might be my maiden voyage. Hey, did you ever watch batting stance guy? Too bad your nephew is not into baseball. This guy is not only hilarious, but accurate. Here’s the Red Sox.

      • I didn’t see enough of a lot of those guys he was imitating to really appreciate all of them, but of the ones that he did, he did very well. Fred Lynn and Mo Vaughn were the best, in my opinion. He did a very good Wade Boggs and Dwight Evans, as well. The Yaz one was fairly good, but not great. Ted Williams, well, I never really saw much film of him hitting, so I couldn’t appreciate it. The Jim Rice one was good. The Garciapparra one was okay, sort of.

        Who was the guy supposed to be before he did Kevin Youkelis? I couldn’t make out who the guy who was off-camera said before the guy imitated him.

        I used to be friends with a guy named Hil who did a PERFECT Tom Seaver. (Tom Seaver was perfect to us Met fans, anyway.) He also imitated another Met at bat, and it was HILARIOUS— Bob Bailor, who you might remember also played for the Orioles and the Blue Jays. He did the whole thing with the tobacco and everything. It was hilarious.

        Bob Bailor was a VERY under-rated player, by the way.

        Ironically, Hil was also friends with John Scalzo, and was the other guy who was playing basketball with us in the gym that day that I mentioned.

        I do voice imitations, too, Steve, but I’m not much good at physical imitations. I do a great Marv Albert, Howard Cosell, Bob Murphy (the late great Mets announcer from Oklahoma), Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, and Bob Sheppard, the Yankee Stadium P.A. announcer and football Giants P.A. announcer, who I actually knew personally; he lived in my own home town. I wonder what Bob Sheppard would have thought of my impersonations of him.


        • Before Youkilis was the second of the Yaz impersonations. It was the old Yaz. That’s what the guy announced. “Old Yaz..” It’s the over the hill Yaz, the I’m so old Yaz that I have to lean over Yaz.

          This guy nails so many players of today and previous years. Amazing if you ask me, but I’m not much of a critic so what do I know?

          Here he is on the field with Brewers in 2008. I’m a sucker for stuff like this and with that Brewers dude’s laugh, I get pulled right in. Jason Kendall is the 2nd player he impersonates-always a favorite.

  3. See, I couldn’t appreciate any of those guys because I basically stopped following baseball closely in the very late 80s or early 90s. Didn’t Mike Cameron play for the Mets, at one time, by the way?

    When he did that high up baseball stance, it reminded me of two players from when I was a kid in the 70s—– Bobby Tolan of the Reds and Milt May of the Pirates and the Astros, who kind of batted in that strange way. I tried it for a while, myself, and, for some reason, I hit fairly well with that crazy stance. That was when I was in my 20s.


    • Yep, that was Cameron in the video with that contagious laugh; just as contagious as the raised up hands batting stance I guess; always a popular stance among players and young admirers and impersonators.

      Craig Counsell took the raised hands thing to a completely other level of ridiculous heights. That’s who he was impersonating in the video.

      I preferred the low Cooper crouch borrowed from Carew.

  4. That’s funny that Glen mentioned Bob Bailor…just received an autograph in the mail yesterday…he also sent me an autographed postcard from 1985. Seems like a nice guy.

    • Gary, just curious, but as a Californian and an Oakland A’s fan, what made you want to go out of your way to get an autograph from, of all people, Bob Bailor? Yes, he did play for the Dodgers for a short time (I think he was in the deal where the Dodgers sent the Mets Sid Fernandez for Bailor along with relief pitcher Carlos Diaz), but I’m just curious as to why you wanted his autograph enough to mail away for it from him?

      I liked Bailor when he was with the Mets.


  5. Collecting autographs through the mail is a hobby of mine. I send away for Dodgers to give them away to friends. Of course, it helps if I have the card and they are willing signers.

  6. BTW…it was a 1986 Topps. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s