brewers baseball and things

bart colon and the final scare


does anyone love spiders wasps red ants jordan ventura anymore?

i wonder how big, on average, dugout canoes were, like how many people could they portage in addition to all the animal furs, coconuts, and did they carry shadows too? 25-man rosters?

sometimes when a squirrel and i look at each other, it turns quickly into a staring contest. it’s kind of spooky. i can feel myself pulled into a world i know very little about… raccoons, lions, giraffes, and what not. It never lasts very long. The squirrel obviously has other things to do especially Friday which is today. It’s recycling and garbage day. i think squirrels think of it as christmas with all the bags of garbage appearing to be wrapping paper housing gifts and they’re not wrong because a lot of people in our apartment complex don’t have a garbage disposal so bags have lots of chicken bones inside.

anyway, i sometimes watch spiders in my bathtub crawl up the side wall and then fall and then try again and that makes me think of tough guy muscle cars revving their engines but the car not moving. the driver just sits in there revving that engine. one of my neighbors does that. maybe it’s a mating call?

Bartolo Colon is the opposite of tough. in fact he looks like the pillsbury doughboy or he reminds me of him because he’s kind of cute and he doesn’t seem to make much noise either. it’s exciting to watch him lob the ball and thrilling to see the brewers go with the pitch lining singles to the opposite field last night, a horizontal bottle rocket convention. But it’s frustrating to see bartolo work around all those jams, from strawberry to gooseberry to marmalade to any kind of jam, he gets out of it like pete vuckovich used to do.

bartolo is like an abandoned jalopy at a summer cabin that grows a new species of wonderful florescent moss and when you’re not looking it adds an even newer species. he is mr. potato head but with a body and a brain. where does he get his new parts? is he the patron saint of reinvention. how fast did he once throw?

school is out soon in montreal and that means many things, one of which is enjoying the free public terry swimming puhl.


Author: Steve Myers

I grew up in Milwaukee and have been a Milwaukee Brewers baseball fan for as long as I can remember.

7 thoughts on “bart colon and the final scare

  1. The Jamie Moyer of the twenty-teens.

  2. I suspect that this “Bartolo Colon” is a fictional character, and I suspect you may have spun him into creation.

  3. You would HAVE to make up a player like Terry Puhl. Every time I PUHLed him from a pack of cards I felt a mixture of bummed and confusion. I had never seen a baseball player that looked older than my dad.

  4. Cute? I don’t know about that. I do agree about the Pillsbury Doughboy resemblance, though.

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